12 Gaslighting Phrases Abusive People Use To Control You (2023)

FAQs

What do narcissists say during gaslighting? ›

Signs of Narcissist Gaslighting

They may try to make you feel like you're overreacting or being too sensitive by saying things like, “You're being paranoid,” or “You're imagining things.” They might also try to control what you do and who you see by trying to isolate you from your friends and family.

In relationships, an abusive person may use gaslighting to isolate their partner, undermine their confidence, and make them easier to control. For example, they might tell someone they are irrational until the person starts to think it must be true.

If we stick to the clinical definition, gaslighters have two signature moves: They lie with the intent of creating a false reality, and they cut off their victims socially.

Jamie Schenk DeWitt, a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles told Newsweek: "A gaslighting apology is a conditional apology that makes the person apologizing appear as if they are sincerely saying 'I am sorry,' but they aren't taking any responsibility for hurting you.

Gaslighting makes you doubt your own perception, your feelings, and your memory. It makes you doubt reality itself, and therefore your own sanity.

His gaslighting was a deliberate attempt to convince her that she was losing her grasp on reality. Gaslighting is the process of causing someone to doubt their own thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. Her father used a gaslighting tactic when he declared that she must have imagined the entire episode.

This term originated from a movie made in 1944 called Gaslight where the heroine's husband attempts to drive her insane by manipulating her reality. There are four primary types of gaslighting behaviors: the straight-up lie, reality manipulation, scapegoating and coercion.

Along with questioning their own reality and beliefs, gaslighting victims often feel isolated and powerless. Gaslighting abuse symptoms also include low self-esteem, disorientation, self-doubt, and difficulty functioning in school, at work, or in social situations.

What is gaslighting to make someone crazy? ›

“It's making someone seem or feel unstable, irrational and not credible, making them feel like what they're seeing or experiencing isn't real, that they're making it up, that no one else will believe them.” Gaslighting involves an imbalance of power between the abuser and the person they're gaslighting.

The goal of a gaslighter is to make a person doubt themself by feeding them lies and using their own position to cause mental health harm. The term gaslighting, or gaslighter, comes from a play from the late 1930s, according to Britannica.

Gaslighters gain control or avoid facing the consequences of their behavior by hiding and distorting information. They may tell blatant lies or subtle ones. Even when confronted with specific facts that contradict what they are saying, gaslighters may continue to repeat the lies.

“A gaslighter will often make you beg for their forgiveness and apologize profusely for any 'wrong' you committed, even if it's something they did,” Stern says. Sometimes you may not even know what you're apologizing for, other than they're upset and it's your responsibility to calm them down.

Usually, instead of using specific names, gaslighters will use general terms like, “everyone thinks there's something wrong with you” or “all our friends know you have problems,” explains Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People—and Break ...

Though some people may not realize the damage their behavior is causing, if they aren't willing to hear your requests for change and attempt to make these changes, end the relationship before it goes any further. Remember that gaslighters have fragile egos, little self-esteem, and are inherently weak.

One of the ways that gaslighters/narcissists exert their power through playing the victim. In relationships, gaslighters play the victim in order to manipulate and guilt their partners into doing their will. On a global stage, when gaslighter “plays the role” of a victim, it takes on a different tone.

Ignoring a gaslighter could mean you pretend you did not hear what they said and do not engage or respond to them. This could result in an escalation of their attempts at gaslighting you or make them angry if they feel you have bruised their pride. Similarly, they might try to get your attention in other ways.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that involves a person deliberately causing someone to doubt their sanity. This may cause feelings of confusion or powerlessness. The long-term effects of gaslighting include trauma, anxiety, and depression.

Highly sensitive people and empaths are more susceptible to gaslighting because they do not trust themselves and their intuitions. They doubt their own perspective even when they sense that something is wrong.

What is the perfect example of gaslighting? ›

Gaslighting happens when an abuser tries to control a victim by twisting their sense of reality. An example of gaslighting would be a partner doing something abusive and then denying it happened.

Despite all this, gaslighting often isn't so obvious. Many gaslighters may not realize they're gaslighting, and many people who are being gaslighted also fail to recognize it at first.

Gaslighting can be tough to respond to because of the power that the perpetrator holds over the victim. Often, the best response to gaslighting is to plainly state your needs and boundaries. Sometimes, the safest response to gaslighting can be to leave the situation entirely.

Narcissism refers to a personality structure, or a pattern of personality traits, whereas gaslighting refers to behavior. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that weakens the victim and makes them more dependent on the perpetrator.

It comes hand-in-hand with this that narcissists hate being criticised or called out. Which is exactly why there's one word in particular narcissistic people cannot stand: "no".

React with empathy and respect.

A narcissist thrives on conflict, and will take control of the conversation as soon as you get defensive or try to fight back. Instead, you can take control by making empathetic statements about the situation, which will help the narcissist calm down.

How do you finally outsmart a narcissist? ›

Saying 'No', enforcing boundaries and challenging them are some of the tips on how to checkmate a narcissist by making them fear you. Holding them accountable, publicly exposing them and going 'no contact' are other strategies on how to outsmart a narcissist.

Narcissists may use the silent treatment to communicate they are unhappy with you, to control you, or as a form of punishment. If the narcissist uses the silent treatment to deflect responsibility for something they have done wrong, it can also be a form of narcissistic gaslighting.

Gaslighting usually occurs over an extended duration and not as a single interaction. The gaslighter slowly chips away at their victim's sense of reality. Gaslighters can target those they view as most vulnerable, e.g. people who are isolated or exhibit feelings of inadequacy.

If people make statements in the context of an argument in which they are trying to explain their point of view, or if these statements are made over the course of legal proceedings or formal hearings, then they may be viewed as someone defending themselves, not intentionally attempting to gaslight.

The term “gaslighting” originates in a British play-turned film from the 1930s. The play was called “Gas Light” and the plot is about a husband who mentally and emotionally manipulates his wife into believing she is crazy by changing the intensity of the gas lamps within their home.

Gaslighting: As Emotional Abuse

It leaves the victim confused, unhappy, fearful, and incapable of ending the problem unless they can escape or outsmart the emotional abuser. Gaslighting sabotages the victim's self-confidence. It leaves them fearful and unable to correct the lies being told to and about them.

The best option is to leave and cut off all communication with the gaslighter—go "radio silence." Be prepared for them to try everything in their power to get you back into their clutches. They need attention—and if they aren't getting it from a new relationship, they will come back for you.

Certain mental health conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder lend themselves to gaslighting as those illnesses give people a distorted view of themselves and others and a propensity toward manipulating others for their own ends by any means necessary, as well as never ...

A gaslighter may unconsciously want to have control and avoid accountability. It can stem from not trusting themselves or other people and exerting control to cope with this insecurity. They may have learned this behavior growing up in a family that engaged in gaslighting.

What is gaslighter slang? ›

Gaslighting is defined in the Urban Dictionary as “a form of intimidation or psychological abuse, where false information is presented to the victim, making them doubt their own memory, perception and quite often, their sanity”.

Gaslighting also happens in the workplace. For example, a boss who says they don't remember you submitting a deliverable, even though you handed it to them a few hours ago. By making other people question their own memories, gaslighters use your insecurities to try and control you.

Shifting blame is a common gaslighting tactic. Accusing the victim of being the gaslighter causes confusion, makes them question the situation, and draws attention away from the true gaslighter's harmful behavior, Sarkis says.

It could be divided into four different types: outright lying, manipulation of reality, scapegoating and coercion. Often the experience is a combination of these four types and not just limited to one of them.

Critical Thinking. The opposite of gaslighting is critical thinking, not validation or deference or coddling.

What are gaslighting behaviors? To gaslight someone means to manipulate another person into doubting their own perceptions, experiences or understanding of events, according to the American Psychological Association.

The best way to destroy a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. They enjoy getting a rise out of you, so it's frustrating to them when they don't get the reaction they expected. When they realize you don't care anymore, they will likely try convincing you they'll change, but don't fall for it.